Dear Roger,

I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your handling of the Ray Rice matter. It's people like you that allow me a breather from the media. We both know they can be relentless in their pursuit of the truth.

Had you not botched up the Ray Rice investigation, his punishment, and by the looks of things, your most recent apology, I would still be getting grilled over my handling of ISIS. Clearly, I was wrong to think of them as the JV team just as you were wrong to think you could allow players like Ray Rice, Greg Hardy, Ray McDonald, Adrian Peterson, Ben Roethlisberger, and countless others to slip under the radar.

I have a huge favor to ask of you and know it comes at a challenging time. Could you in some way either keep this mess on the front burner for another month and a half or create a new controversy that will keep the media focus on you? You see, I still do not have a clear plan in place on how to deal with ISIS and have to find a way to keep voters distracted until the November elections take place.

Perhaps you could get grilled over just how little money raised from NFL pink merchandise sales goes to actual breast cancer research. If the American public knew only eight percent of the money goes to research while about one and a half times that goes to the NFL, fans and the media might rake you over the coals and forget that my current coalition to fight ISIS looks about as scary as the Dallas Cowboys defense.

Then again, maybe more could be made about how almost one third of all NFL players will end up with brain damage. This might make Americans forget about the PTSD problems our men and women in the armed forces face. You and I both know brain damage is just a small price to pay for keeping America strong internationally and great on the gridiron.

Perhaps you could ask owners of teams coached by blacks to fire their head coach and create another race controversy. We both saw how well a race controversy worked in Ferguson this past summer. I am certain there is not enough time or media talking heads to cover this kind of story while still questioning my leadership skills.

Finally, if none of this works, maybe we could do each other a favor. If we were to just switch jobs, that in itself might get the media off our backs. I could offer the NFL the same kind of hope I offered the United States when I was first elected in 2008 and you could bring the kind of open and decisive leadership to the oval office that you have brought to the NFL.

Please know I am in your corner and one of your biggest supporters. Thanks to your leadership skills, I can concentrate on my golf swing while figuring out how someone jumped the white house fence and got to within a few feet of my front door.

Your Friend,

Barack Obama